“This is the way the world ends. Not with a bang but a whimper.” ~T.S. Eliot I used to believe in the Apocalypse. I thought it was some fantasmic, spectacularly obscene alternate reality that would somehow intersperse with our own sometime in the distant future, in some Buck Rogers timeline that wouldn’t see me in … Continue reading That Revelations Feeling
Year 1 must have been fun. I was the center of attention, the new “bundle of joy” that burped, burbled, smiled, laughed, and occasionally cried. But there was nothing else that could compete with these dimples. Of course I don’t remember any of it. My mom says I was a little nightmare, but I’m going to go ahead and assume she meant perhaps toddler stage. At 1, I was a treasure.
I do remember year 6, and kindergarten, and making new friends. Okay, so there were really only 2 friends, but that’s 2 more friends than many others can lay claim to even now. Hmmm. Do I have 2 solid friends right now? But yes, in year 6 I learned how to tie my shoes, to count numbers, and of course the art of manipulation. I know I was fascinated with the shadows and light on the television screen back then. Maybe I still am.
Then there was year 22, which started off with a bang, even though year 21 ended so poorly. I’ll spare you the details, but suffice it to say I didn’t go through the rites of passage in quite the order they were supposed to be experienced. It was the first time I realized how stupid I was, how complex the world was, and how far I was away from the person I hoped I was going to end up being.
It was also the first time I realized time is finite, that I wasn’t going to live forever. Funny how much that realization changes everything.
Year 32 was full of so many new experiences too. I was a family man, and the family was finally complete, though at the time I thought there might still be a new addition or two forthcoming. On some level I’m glad that didn’t happen, because from this side of the glass everything is perfect how it is, but on another level I still held out hope for another seismic shift to the dynamic.
And now I am reminiscing on year 43, which was full of tradition, a lot of firsts, and just a warm and fuzzy feeling I haven’t had for a very long time. Continue reading “43.”
“If I walk down this hallway tonight, it’s too quiet. So I pad through the dark, and call you on the phone. Push your old numbers, and let your house ring ’til I wake your ghost.” ~Kristin Hersh I often feel like a ghost, living my invisible life, performing my invisible tasks, under the watchful … Continue reading These Ghosts Remain
The rain drums against my window, hard, that staccato rhythm numbing in its purity, in its steady beat. It is sweet soul music in the midst of my agony, while my world falls apart. It eases slightly, each drop sliding haphazardly down towards the sill, twin to my tears that slip onto the floor from … Continue reading Rain Reflections
I am reflected in my mother. She gave me life and a lot of my personality. She instilled in me the love of reading that has served me well all these years. She always put me ahead of herself and always gave me opportunities to be me. I am reflected in my daughter. She … Continue reading Reflections