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Asking the Tough Questions

thNever ask questions if you aren’t prepared to deal with the answers.

I don’t even remember where I first heard that, probably on some lame, cliche-filled TV show or right after a pregnant pause in a dramatic film. But isn’t it true that some of the most poignant turns of phrase show up in the oddest places? With great power comes great responsibility anyone? Luckily for me, I honestly don’t care where it comes from, if Alvin and the Chipmunks said it, or if it came from Al Gore, or even if it’s a catch phrase for Joey from Friends. I take every single one that interests me and I analyze it to see how it could be applied to my life, then I share what I’ve learned with others.

Question #1: Where is this relationship going?

This may surprise you, but before I got married the first time the longest relationship I had been in was a year in length, and three months of that time were spent estranged. So the question was indeed very valid for me. Was I ready at that point to analyze a relationship and see if it could be long term? Or was I just in it for the fun and excitement that came from being with someone new, and then with someone else new, et al. Honestly, my answer to that question back then was always, “This relationship is status quo, which is good enough for me.” It’s no wonder my relationships lasted such a short amount of time.

Question #2: Where do you plan to be in five years?

It’s not as easy a question as you would think. So much happens in the course of life that five years can be an eternity made up of a series of shifts and changes that define and redefine who we are. If you had asked me the question five years ago I highly doubt I would have said I would be here, doing what I’m doing, thinking the thoughts I’m thinking. I know I wouldn’t have said I’d be here writing a blog right now. In fact, back then it was all about writing for myself, and not sharing with others. And the big problem with plans is that we have a tendency to try and fit our lives into those plans and then to judge ourselves on whether or not we hit our objectives. Continue reading “Asking the Tough Questions”

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In the Queue

The line moves imperceptibly Blind to the naked eye Shuffling in perfect rhythm Like trains on a track Waiting for the sign to move Impatiently they stir Those ants in a row Black-suited for show With their hollow eyes And yellow-jacket smiles Their voices rise in pitch Unintelligible staccato With anger undisguised Staring straight into … Continue reading In the Queue

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Circle of Life

Susan-Burnstine_Circuitous
Photo by Susan Burnstine.

“The circle of life is more appropriately an elongated series of curves that meets itself and meanders on into tomorrow.” -Theodicus

Elton John sang a song about the circle of life, which was a big hit in The Lion King, and it focused on how all living things follow this circle of life and death, that it all comes around again and repeats itself. Hence, the circle metaphor. But I believe more in what Theodicus says about this supposed circle. Life is a series of hits and misses of sorts, a collection of choose your own adventure-type experiences, decisions that completely change your course and create or destroy possible scenarios. So, the circle of life might “move us all,” and it might connect us all, but it also is defined by us as a circuitous path that makes everything possible or impossible.

“It’s the circle of life, and it moves us all. Through despair and hope, through faith and love, till we find out place on the path unwinding in the circle of life…” -Tim Rice (music by Elton John)

What I do love about the song, however, is the idea that life is continuous, that even though people die, others are also being born, that this is the great connection that proves our humanity. It’s also probably why most of us are obsessed with our own mortality, counting birthdays like they’re steps along a death march, fascinated by the idea of vampires or zombies who “live” beyond death, even if we know they’re not real. Even if we know we wouldn’t be able to have a real life even if they were. But in the reality that we live through, it is possible to “carry on dancing,” even after death. It is through our progeny that we can keep existing, that the world keeps moving along even after we die. Continue reading “Circle of Life”

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White-Out Christmas

snowfall_1My first Christmas here it snowed puppies and kittens. Now, I’m a Philly boy born and raised, so a little snow never bothers me. I grew up around snow plows and getting snowed in (on occasion), so I thought I was prepared for a true, honest-to-goodness upstate New York winter. I was not. And Christmas was the perfect time to discover that for the first time.

The blizzard of 2002 started rather inauspiciously, with a few snow flurries on Christmas Eve, but by the time we rolled out of bed on the special morning and shuffled to the large picture window in our fuzzy robes and slippers our mouths were agape at the winter wonderland that awaited us. And we both thought at the same time, “shovels.” Then the shifts began, the great Christmas dig-out.

She had the first shift, bundling up against the cold, grabbing the nearest shovel and getting to work while I made hot chocolate for both of us in our tiny kitchen. I couldn’t help thinking about the insane juxtaposition of spending Christmas in Tennessee in 2001 when it was a balmy 50 degrees with nary a snowflake in the sky. What a difference a year (and a couple thousand miles) makes.

Then it was my turn, and I took the same shovel she used, feeling a kinship with her as I grabbed its handle. Either that or it was just damn cold. As I headed out into the abyss that was our yard, I knew I would be out there for a while. And it kept snowing the whole time. That was the craziest part of it. We were just trying to keep status quo in the midst of so much of the white, fluffy stuff.

It was my job to dig out the cars. Snow had come up almost to the windows while the storm had raged on Christmas Eve, and the position of our driveway at the time was down near the road. I had to shovel through what seemed like miles of yard just to get to the vehicles, and my arms were exhausted from the effort. Then it took a Herculean effort to shovel around the car wheels, creating an island of car in the sea of snow. Then I dug out the second one. Continue reading “White-Out Christmas”