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“I Want to Quit the Gym!”

My nemesis.

The gym is not my friend. I mean, I subscribed to a gym a long time ago, and like about a zillion other people, I hardly ever went. I’m not even sure why I subscribed. Maybe it was that gruff guy who came to my job and convinced me I was a slob who carried around extra weight, and couldn’t I do better? So I spent half a paycheck to sign up — “What a deal!” — and they hooked me up with a personal trainer, a woman named Jennifer who was built like a tank. I was afraid. I was very afraid.

First off, it took me about a month to eventually end up at the gym. Part of the time away was my first look at Jennifer on the day I signed up, but the other part was hidden deep down in my psyche, in depths I wasn’t willing to plumb at the time. It had been easier to just go home after work and play video games instead, a sedentary lifestyle indeed, but one that I enjoyed. Until one morning I took off my shirt to get into the shower and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror above the sink. Uh oh. Those love handles were staring back at me.

So, I finally got my ass to the gym. Continue reading ““I Want to Quit the Gym!””

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Going Underground

Today, I got to teach about one of the most interesting occurrences that ever happened more than once: the treacherous trip slaves took on their way to possible freedom via the underground railroad. While it was prompted by necessity and the unending need of each slave to gain a freedom that was supposedly guaranteed to … Continue reading Going Underground

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Commuter Envy

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I commute to and from work, to and from picking up and dropping off my daughters, and to and from shopping and various other activities. That’s the joy of living half an hour from any type of civilization. There are two things about the trips to work and back that I relish, though.

The first is being able to listen to my music without being disturbed. You would probably be surprised by the number of songs I have to skip when my iPod is on its shuffle setting and others are in the car. I have to skip:

1. My gangsta rap jams
2. Any song by Bjork
3. My Metallica anthems
4. Any “thrash” metal songs
5. Songs with “suggestive” lyrics (sorry, “I Wanna Sex U Up,” my ’90s mix will have to be complete without U in it)
Continue reading “Commuter Envy”

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Passing the Buck

Shaggy swears it wasn’t him.

“It wasn’t me.”

That’s the most commonly used expression in the world, didn’t you know? When a mother asks her oldest child who knocked over the lamp, that’s what she gets in response. When a coach asks his star player who was responsible for the team losing the game, the player usually gives this response. When your boss asks you who forgot to send that email to corporate, that phrase is probably on the tip of your tongue, whether it was your fault or not. And that’s where the problem comes in.

If no one saw you do it, then it wasn’t you. Who can prove it anyway? It’s all about what is commonly called “passing the buck.” Continue reading “Passing the Buck”

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Just Nod Ya Head

I admit it. Sometimes I just nod along when others are saying something I have absolutely no clue about. I know I should probably just ask, but I don’t want to feel like a rube. That’s what using Bing to look something up after the fact is all about.

I’m sure you don’t do the same thing, though. I’m sure it’s just me. I think there are a finite number of topics any one person should know a lot about. And if they try to learn more than that their brains might possibly explode or become fondue or something.
Continue reading “Just Nod Ya Head”