Friday Top 5: Phrases I Hate

haters-gonna-hateWhy don’t a lot of people think before they utter words that they can’t take back? It’s interesting how that works, isn’t it? Certain phrases just slip from the tongue that make me think differently about some people. Amazing that word choice (or in this case, a lack of choice) can have such a profound effect on how those people who use it are viewed, but it’s true. And as much as we like to say we don’t judge others, we inevitably do.

Here are the Top 5 Phrases I Hate…

5. “In a sec.” Variations of the phrase include “in a minute,” “in a second,” and “when I get around to it.” These phrases mean, “What you’re asking me or telling me isn’t important enough to put my full attention to, but when I feel it’s worthy I will let you know.” My daughter Lexi has taken to using and overusing the phrase, much to my chagrin. When told that there are no more “secs,” and she has to do what we asked right now, she asked what exactly “right now” meant. Oy.

4. “It wasn’t me.” I don’t know about you, but I don’t accuse someone of doing (or not doing) something unless I have some level of proof in my back pocket. So when I talk to someone and ask them why they did something, and they come back at me with “It wasn’t me,” I just want to reach into my back pocket and let them have it. “Yes, indeed, it was you, so why make it worse by arguing with me after the fact?”

3. “Do me a favor.” If you want me to do you a favor just ask me outright. Don’t phrase it like it’s a command. I don’t do well with commands or questions that don’t use at least some form of etiquette. Is it too much to ask for a “I know you’re busy but when you get a chance can you please do something for me?” Usually my answer will be yes, but I’m more likely to ignore you if you assume I’ll do something for you instead of assuming you should ask me nicely.

2. “I hate you.” Once this one is out there it’s just so devastating, like a wrecking ball (sorry Miley, I just stole your thunder). Seriously, though, this one gets so overused it’s ridiculous, when what we really mean is “I really can’t stand what you just did, but eventually I’ll be cool with you again so don’t hold this standoffish nature of the moment against me in the end.” This is especially pungent when we unleash it on people who love us, and who we love, but we’re just too blind right then to see it clearly.

1. Any phrase that uses the F word merely for effect. Generally I don’t mind the F word in the course of normal conversation, but when someone uses it as a placeholder, or uses it more than one time in a sentence as multiple parts of speech, it just makes them sound ignorant.



Hate is Stronger Than Love

We can all agree that the two most powerful emotions in the world are love and hate. Indeed, every other emotion seems to stem from these two. Things like jealousy, longsuffering, greed, compassion, despair, and redemption ride in on one of those two thoroughbreds, love or hate. There have been many love songs written and performed throughout the years, from Mozart’s “Requiem,” to Boyz II Men’s “On Bended Knee,” to Kelly Clarkson’s “My Life Would Suck Without You,” the theme has been repeated over and over again through music. There is even a holiday dedicated solely to the joy found in loving other people, that brings with it a rapidly increasing extra bonus of giving gifts in order to show that love. Love seems to make the world go ’round, but does that make it more powerful than that dark horse candidate, hate? Or does that just make it more popular?

Hate has fueled most of the major newsworthy world events through the years. Think about it. If you look through the history books, you will find evidence of hate in events like:

1. The Holocaust

2. The Enslavement of Blacks (and others)

3. World Wars

4. Civil Wars

5. Military Conflicts (was Vietnam technically not a war?)

6. Hate Crimes (it’s even in the name!)

7. School Shootings

8. Serial Killing

9. Rape

10. Kidnapping and Torture

And the list goes on. Sadly, I know about these things because they are in the news all the time, right now, not just in the history books. But when was the last time you saw a news article about something positive, something loving, on the main page of the newspaper, or on any page for that matter? Unless it’s a fluff piece, or it’s buried on the last inside page of a section, it is very difficult to find love in the news. That’s because hate sells. Hate is more prevalent. And hate has lasting effects that feed off of each other, leaving utter devastation and an indelible handprint on the world. Hate is unavoidable if you live in this world, and that’s not something you can say with certainty about love.

So, does that mean hate is stronger than love?

“Why you gotta be so mean?” -Taylor Swift

That’s a tricky question. Love is decidedly more popular. People do many amazing things for love, even if those things aren’t publicized. But people also go to extraordinary ends to show others how much they’re hated as well. Teenagers are setting up Facebook pages for the express purpose of torturing other teenagers, for the most trivial of incidences. They thrive off it, the response to it, and the build up. Adults are posting videos to youTube of practical jokes that aren’t funny, of people being hurt and others laughing at them. This is hate, pure and simple. And it’s everywhere. It is undoubtedly strong enough to drive people to suicide , extensive therapy, and mental institutions. It can also pit father against son, mother against daughter, and sibling against sibling, what are supposed to be some of the strongest bonds you can create and sustain with love. Yet hate can and does rip those bonds to shreds over misunderstandings, and over irreconcilable decisions.

And we throw the word around like it’s a bag of Skittles we’re feeding to our dog. “I hate this test.” “I hate Mondays.” “I hate Kim Kardashian.” By doing this, we dull our senses to the ferocity the word should engender in us. It’s like overuse of the word “bitch,” and how it changes the meaning for us. But we forget that not everyone knows that the word means less for us now. They know that we used the word, and they know how strong the emotion is, even if we don’t even mean that emotion. That’s what can really lead to misunderstandings, things that sometimes never get resolved. Which is so sad, but true. I do my best to avoid the word at all costs, because by giving voice to it, I create the monster that then feeds without me. Amazingly enough, the same has gotten to be true with love as well. Love and hate are not opposites, by the way. The opposite of love is apathy. Hate has no opposite. It just is a black hole with no redemption, no light at the end of that tunnel, no going back.

Yes, hate IS stronger than love, because we make it that way. We show how important it is through our treatment and constant featuring of it. When most of the major historical events in our world involve intense hatred, it speaks volumes. I liken it to money. All money is happens to be paper and metal. We ascribe value to it, though, and people believe it has that value. That’s the power of the human zeitgeist, the belief system and the propagation of that belief system. We show our belief in the ultimate power of hate every time we publish those stories, every time we talk about it on Facebook, every time we tweet it, every time we talk with our friends about it around the water cooler. When was the last time we featured love and it wasn’t Valentine’s Day? So, yes, hate is stronger than love, but only because we allow it to be. We can reverse that trend, but we have to believe it.

Do you believe?


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