Category: Communication

Posted on

The Ones Who Talk

thYou know “that guy?” He’s the one in the movie theater who can’t stop himself from yelling at the characters on screen as if they’re friends of his who are making a mistake. The one on the bus staring at his iPhone, whispering to it like it’s an old friend who’s done him wrong. “No!” he says as the screen goes blank for no good reason. He’s the guy who interrupts every conversation that goes longer than one exchange because he “just has to” interject something that is of a life-and-death importance. Yeah, I used to be that guy.

It all started with books, innocently enough. I was probably five or six and reading was what I lived for. Of course we didn’t have that many age-appropriate books at home, so I would read through the ones we had multiple times, like they were going out of style. The characters in those books became really good friends of mine, so I would begin imparting knowledge to them over the course of the book. “Don’t open that door!” I would say, knowing that behind the door was nothing good.

Then it moved on to movies. I’ll never forget the first time I saw Back to the Future and I kept telling Marty, “Your plan’s not going to work!” but he just wouldn’t listen. Luckily for him, even though his plan didn’t work, everything still came together in the end. If he had only listened to me it would have been a lot easier, though. And when the one scientist said, “They’re all engineered to be female,” in Jurassic Park, I yelled at the screen, “Hell no. They’re smarter than your science!” Look who was right.

But not everyone saw it the same way I did. In particular my sister would tell me to “pipe down” when I would get out of control responding to things that really were just one-way communicators. She would pound on my door while I was narrating my baseball games, and when I was proposing to Samantha Micelli (I guess I was loud) and tell me to knock it off. Apparently “nobody” wanted to listen to me profess my love for a fictional character. Of course, though, that didn’t stop me. Continue reading “The Ones Who Talk”

Posted on

Baggage Claim

emotional-baggageWe all have baggage, don’t we? But it’s not like luggage that we tag and hope gets to the same destination that we do. Our baggage is something we can’t help but carry along with us, whether we want to or not, and it stays with us. What we choose to do about that baggage is up to us, though, if we let it drag us down, or if we learn from it and become better about not accumulating more baggage.

I know I personally have a lot of baggage myself, and most of it has a lot to do with how I see myself today. When I was younger I tended to blame pretty much everyone else in my life for my opinions of myself. They told me I was a certain way and I internalized that, thinking it was true and creating my own baggage in the process. I was a nerd. I was too short. I was awkward around others. I was, in most respects, a basket case. Because I chose to believe others.

There was an episode of How I Met Your Mother that treated this idea in a wonderful way, by showing people with actual labeled baggage that they were physically carrying with them. How great would that be? When we first met someone we could see that they have 10 bags they’re struggling to carry, and we can walk the other way. Right? Of course if that were the case, I probably wouldn’t be married now.

baggageYou see, when we first start out in a relationship it’s the human way to dole out those pieces of baggage bit by bit, over a course of time. It’s called “getting to know each other.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it. In this way the other person is able to digest what we’ve told them one at a time instead of getting bombarded with it all at the same time. That’s the only reason they don’t run screaming away from us when we first meet, and why we advance to a second, third, and umpteenth date.

But think about it. One of the biggest issues we have in relationships is that we don’t ever divulge all of the baggage. Continue reading “Baggage Claim”

Posted on

Easier to Run

billmurraydonthasslemeimlocal“It’s easier to run, replacing this pain with something numb. It’s so much easier to go than face all this pain here all alone.” -Linkin Park

There’s an especially poignant scene in What About Bob? when the mercurial therapist, Dr. Marvin, tells the delusional patient, Bob, that he needs to take a “vacation” from his problems. Of course Bob takes the therapist literally, deciding to take an actual vacation, as if physically changing location could magically take care of his problems.

I laughed when I watched the movie and Bob shows up at the doctor’s vacation home to explain how amazing his “vacation from his problems” is going to be, because to me it was ludicrous to believe the way he did, and yet many people think this is the cure for what ails them. They go far away, thinking that when they return home their problems will be solved. Not so.

I understand the sentiment, though. It does seem easier to run when faced with what seem like insurmountable odds or issues that often derail us. It’s one of the reasons the divorce rate is so high. Instead of facing the problems in our relationships, we simply ditch the relationships, which we think solves the problems. Yet, when we don’t deal with those issues, when we don’t talk them out, we never realize why they were there in the first place and we are doomed to repeat them in future relationships. Continue reading “Easier to Run”

Posted on

The Humorist

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.” -William James

black dark text humor quotes funny infographics 1920x1440 wallpaper_wallpaperswa.com_100Girls like guys who are funny, right? I imagine if every female had to take a quiz with a list of attributes they admire on it, a sense of humor will probably be high on the list, but is it really the case? Well, think about it this way: if a guy is always serious, things would get boring rather quickly. But that’s where common sense plays a part. A guy who is never serious would also get tedious in time. It’s all about walking that delicate tightrope between the serious and the humorous.

But, of course, if I knew where that line was all the time, and how to stay atop it without falling, I would be a genius. Most guys also can’t balance that well all the time. So we try our best to read the “signs” given off by whatever females we happen to be engaged with (engaged being a state of interaction in this case). I can’t tell you how many times I haven’t been able to read those signs and some bad things resulted from it, or when I read the signs the wrong way and made a mess of things that way too. In those instances, I just tell my wife, “You knew this about me when you met me.”

Not the right response when the lady’s not too pleased that you’re joking during serious time. Believe me.

I do pride myself on being funny, but that kind of quirky funny, you know the type. I’m the guy who takes the obvious punchline and overdoes it, making the reaction funny, not necessarily the joke itself. I guess you can say I’m over the top in most things I do, but I do have the corniest jokes. Continue reading “The Humorist”

Posted on

Asking the Tough Questions

thNever ask questions if you aren’t prepared to deal with the answers.

I don’t even remember where I first heard that, probably on some lame, cliche-filled TV show or right after a pregnant pause in a dramatic film. But isn’t it true that some of the most poignant turns of phrase show up in the oddest places? With great power comes great responsibility anyone? Luckily for me, I honestly don’t care where it comes from, if Alvin and the Chipmunks said it, or if it came from Al Gore, or even if it’s a catch phrase for Joey from Friends. I take every single one that interests me and I analyze it to see how it could be applied to my life, then I share what I’ve learned with others.

Question #1: Where is this relationship going?

This may surprise you, but before I got married the first time the longest relationship I had been in was a year in length, and three months of that time were spent estranged. So the question was indeed very valid for me. Was I ready at that point to analyze a relationship and see if it could be long term? Or was I just in it for the fun and excitement that came from being with someone new, and then with someone else new, et al. Honestly, my answer to that question back then was always, “This relationship is status quo, which is good enough for me.” It’s no wonder my relationships lasted such a short amount of time.

Question #2: Where do you plan to be in five years?

It’s not as easy a question as you would think. So much happens in the course of life that five years can be an eternity made up of a series of shifts and changes that define and redefine who we are. If you had asked me the question five years ago I highly doubt I would have said I would be here, doing what I’m doing, thinking the thoughts I’m thinking. I know I wouldn’t have said I’d be here writing a blog right now. In fact, back then it was all about writing for myself, and not sharing with others. And the big problem with plans is that we have a tendency to try and fit our lives into those plans and then to judge ourselves on whether or not we hit our objectives. Continue reading “Asking the Tough Questions”