Month: April 2014

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Six For Saturday

It’s been a week of dreams, anticipation, and some surprising news, followed by a Saturday awash in working hard and reading a very interesting (if disturbing) book. Now I’m in my pajamas and robe, finally sitting down on the couch to sum up my week. Oh, and it snowed today for a little while. In … Continue reading Six For Saturday

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Unrequited Like

UNREQUITED-LOVEWhen you’re single, doesn’t it feel like the people you like are almost never the ones who like you? There’s something to be said for attraction, and each of us has a different criteria for what we find attractive in others. For some the physical looks are tops on the list, while for others it’s mental capacity. For still others it’s a sense of humor, or some combination of these attributes. But people hardly ever meet someone where’s there’s a mutual attraction and you both meet each others’ criteria. When you’re the one left holding the bag, it’s what I like to call unrequited like.

Usually unrequited like means you’re constantly hiding your feelings by either forcing them down deep or channeling them into a seeming sort of sarcasm. You know the guy who is on the fringes of your group who is always finding some excuse to joke around. Maybe he thinks being the funny man will win you over, or he’s letting out his true feelings through sarcastic means. If he finds excuses to be near you, it’s quite possible he unrequitedly likes you, even if his nearness is characterized by self-deprecating behavior or forced humor.

It works with wanting to be friends too. You know the girl who is shy but whom you always seem to see around. Maybe you talked to her once or twice in passing, but you haven’t given her a second thought. Well, she has no friends, but she enjoys being near you because you are spontaneous and you make everything an adventure. She’s too shy to approach you, though, so that “like” only goes one way, and you’re too involved with being the center of attention that you will never notice her.

The worst type of unrequited like, though, is the one that has been expressed and shot down. Continue reading “Unrequited Like”

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Hey, Jealousy

index“You can trust me not to drink, and not to sleep around. And if you don’t expect too much from me, you might not be let down.” -Gin Blossoms

Jealousy is and always will be tied and connected to trust. If you have trust in the person you’re with then you shouldn’t be jealous, right? But it’s not that simple. Nothing is ever that simple in life. There can be the utmost trust between two people, and yet jealousy can still creep in because we are human. In fact, jealousy can even be seen as a compliment by some, a sign that you still truly have feelings for someone. But what is jealousy anyway?

“Jealousy: resentment against a rival, a person enjoying success or advantage.”

I remember liking a girl in kindergarten, when most of the rest of the boys in my class were still talking about girls having cooties. Her name was Kareema, and she was the most beautiful girl I had seen to that point in my life. So I hit her one day during recess, which was my clear sign to her that I liked her. She didn’t get it, instead telling the teacher on me and getting me a demerit for it. I would watch her from then on, but I stopped hitting her, and I noticed her having fun with her girlfriends. I was jealous that I had missed my chance and they were having fun with her instead.

Then fast-forward to fifth grade, and there was Mia. Ah, Mia. By this time the other boys were finally admitting they liked girls, and the girls were playing attention-seeking games. But Mia was different. She was a quiet sort, but she had a dynamic smile. And she was my friend, but we had a bit of a flirtatious relationship. Well, flirtatious for fifth graders in the mid-80s anyway. I was even very close to asking her to go steady when Jermaine showed up. He was smooth, and before I knew it he had asked her to go steady and she said yes. I think maybe she tired of waiting around for me to ask her. I was so jealous of him, not only for getting Mia, but for being confident enough to ask for what he wanted. Continue reading “Hey, Jealousy”

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Empty

indexThe house was empty, it seemed, save for the history that so obviously still resided within its graffitied walls. Its floors were piled high with rubbish, almost as if a dumpster had been upended above them, but peculiarly the refuse had no noticeable scent. Either that or my sense of smell just wasn’t good after being in the house for more than five minutes. The stairs leading upward were rotten from the bottom up, a sure sign that no one was up there.

It was a Saturday. I was 16 or 17 — probably 17 — and it was a late spring afternoon in North Philadelphia. We were supposed to be in church, the five of us, wiling away the afternoon before the vesper service at sunset, but we were squirrely. Our parents were all otherwise occupied (having large scale conversations, sleeping in the kindergarten classroom, eating lunch, or in one of the various meetings that would crop up), and we were old enough to be on our own. So we did some exploring.

North Philadelphia was entirely run down in those days — in the early-90s — so it wasn’t hard to find some abandoned houses to explore. The hard part was making sure our nice church clothes didn’t get ruined from the experience. We would actually pick up some non-church kids along the way, gathering steam and people for a major expedition some days.

The kids from North Philly were a lot more world-weary than we were, even though we were the same age. There’s something to be said for growing up in the ghetto, with no pretense that there was something more to the world. They lived in the world of drug deals, drive-by shootings, and five families living in one row home. Continue reading “Empty”