Feeling Gravity’s Pull

You know, sometimes I feel weightless, that feeling of utter joy when I know things are clicking, but it is rare. And that’s how it should be because if things were easy all the time, what is there to strive for, to try and achieve? It is those times when I feel heaviest, that is when I dig deep to create.

My life has been filled with a roller coaster ride’s worth of experiences, good after bad. And I imagine most people could say the same about theirs. Those weightless times, those are when I am at the top of the curve, anticipating the drop. I feel a sense of anticipation like never before, but deep down there is also a dread, knowing what awaits on the other side.

Then gravity takes over and I feel this huge weight crushing my lungs, making me cry out but there is no sound. I seize up in the moment and I feel like I am the only person in the entire world, so cold and alone. Lonely. Yet, when people try to comfort me, I shy away like a skittish colt. And I raise my hands in surrender as we descend the track.

So I create. Sometimes it is music, sometimes art, and sometimes interpretive dance moves, but more often than not it is through written expression that I bare my soul, as naked as the day I was born, only on that deeper emotional level, where I live and breathe. However shallow the breaths.

And you wonder why my poetry is so dark, why my characters harbor such deep, foreboding secrets. It’s how I get out all of the disappointment, how I bleed clean and replenish myself. It is my penance and my salvation. But don’t worry, it doesn’t mean I’m lost. It means I am in the process of being found.

And I get in line again.

Sam