Sam’s Friday Top 5: Pickup Lines

These lines are just so bad, and I have never used a single one of them. Seriously, I haven’t. So, this is a top five of the worst pickup lines I could think of or find. If you have any that you think are worse, let me know.

5. You must be tired because you’ve been running through my mind all day.

This one is inherently interesting because it presumes you knew the girl beforehand, fellas. Not so cool when you’ve just met her at a bar and you’re trying this gem out for the first time. It also uses the idea that a thought translates to action, which we all know isn’t true. Even if she was running through your mind, she wouldn’t be tired, because it was just your thought. Reactions from the ladies range from, “You are not serious,” to “Uh, no,” to walking away without saying a word.

4. You look like an angel that fell from heaven.

You do know what an angel is called that fell from heaven, right? A demon. So you just called this girl a demon. Not really the way you want to start things with someone new. This is supposed to tell her that she looks like an angel, assuming you really know what an angel looks like, fella. If you meant the drawings and paintings of angels from the Renaissance, those are just people, dude. Then they drew on wings, or added wings. A real angel would probably be a ball of light that would burn out your eyes. Yes, every girl wants to hear that about herself, you know, or that she’s a demon.

3. I forgot my number. Can I get yours?

Now, it’s understandable that you might forget your number. I mean, how often do you actually call yourself? But in this day and age it’s pretty easy to find out your number. Check your cellphone. There’s an app for that. Of course, you thought you were being cute by saying this to the girl in the short, red dress that you met in the club. However, she’s not giving you her number for “cute.” She’s giving her number to the guy who complimented her short, red dress and bought her a drink. Yeah.

2. I’m not smart or funny, but I am a romantic. Let me romance you.

Fellas, no lady is going to let someone who is neither smart nor funny romance them. Think about it. Real romance requires some brains to get it right. And the number two thing ladies say they look for in a man is someone with the ability to make them laugh. And if someone does say yes to you, do you really want someone like that, who isn’t smart enough to realize you’re the wrong guy to “romance” her? Okay, maybe you do, but it won’t last long.

1. If I could rearrange the alphabet I’d put “U” and “I” together.

Well, people have been trying to rearrange the alphabet for years, particularly the bad spellers. Now, if you’re a bad speller and you find a girl who is the same, maybe she’ll fall for this one. Otherwise, she’ll just look at you like you were born yesterday. For starters, think about some of the words that have “U” and “I” together, and tell me if they’re cool. Fluid. Sluice. Juice. Building. Acquit. Uh, yeah, those are all really sexy, fellas. If this is the same girl who fell for letting you romance her, even though you’re neither smart nor funny, then you’re golden, but otherwise, not a chance.

Sam

Sam’s Friday Top 5 Archive