We’ve all been there, and it’s really not a bad place to be. It’s the friend zone, an area of proximity that can turn into either a wonderful friendship, or a casual acquaintance. Which way it goes is entirely up to the two people who have voluntarily entered the friend zone. 
Each one of them has a checklist, even if they don’t know it, and the conversation they have in the friend zone either confirms the efficacy of a friendship, or determines the worser fate of acquaintance.
First, I want to break down what exactly an acquaintance is, so you are aware of how devastating the shift is between the two possibilities. An acquaintance is someone who is known to you, but is not a close friend. “I recognize you but you’re unfamiliar.” These are people with whom maybe you shared a conversation once, or you went to school with them for four years but never traveled in the same circles. You know their names, and they know yours (most of the time — time distance from them can even take this away from you), but there’s nothing more to it. Now, you could share many common interests with each other, but you’ve never taken the time to get to know them. Something happened in the friend zone that killed this relationship before it started.
Things that can happen in the friend zone that can pre-empt or create a friendship:
1) Over-sharing. Honestly, they don’t need to know that your cat had diarrhea last night. Save this one for another time, a time I like to call never. Over-sharing too soon is the number one reason why acquaintances don’t turn into friendships.
2) Under-sharing. Looking distracted and answering every question with “un-hunh” doesn’t quite ingratiate yourself to someone looking for a friendship. Maybe you think you’re looking aloof, and that you come across as “cool,” but that’s far from the case. You just look like you would rather be an acquaintance, if even that.
3) Friends-in-law. These are the people you realize you know in common, and depending on your view of those people, you might decide to take a pass on the person you’ve just met in the friend zone. If you’re good friends with the “in-laws,” then you’ll probably give the new guy the benefit of the doubt and let him into the friend circle (what happens when you get through the friend zone). If you’re just acquaintances with the “in-laws,” or they’ve rubbed you the wrong way, you’re more inclined to keep the new guy at arms’ length.
4) The friend zone activity. Maybe you entered this friend zone because it was bowling night and you just joined a new league together. Or you let the group behind you play through on the golf course because you were going a little slow, so you ended up playing together. If you have something in common already, and that’s why you’re in the friend zone, it could make or break you. If they’re much better than you at the activity, it won’t go well for them being your friend. But if they’re at your level or worse than you, odds are they might just make it into the friend circle.
5) The work-friend question. If the zone is taking place at work, all bets are off. Some people only want acquaintances at work, and while they will call you their “friend,” they mean like on the level of a Facebook friend, and not a true friend. Be wary of the people at work who call you “friend,” as they might mean the nefarious work-friend instead of true friend.
So, look down your checklist. Does the person you’ve encountered in the friend zone meet the criteria? If they do, and if you meet theirs, then it might be the start of a beautiful friendship. Just make sure that the items on your checklist aren’t too unattainable for mere human beings. If you can’t check them off about yourself, why hold someone else to higher standards?
Just a thought. And if you ever meet me in the friend zone, don’t worry. I’m not big on acquaintances.
Sam
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