Suspenders Up to Here!

I was a nerd before being nerdy became cool. When did that happen anyway? Regardless, I was that kid in your school that wasn’t just a little behind the times. The times had left me long before, never to return. I was the kid who always had his hand up in class, and yet I was never the teacher’s pet. I was the one who wrote a research paper because it was fun, not because I had to do it for class. I was the kid who dreamt of going off into space with Mr. Spock, not going clubbing with Madonna in South Beach. And of course I wore godawful, huge glasses that would have blocked out the sun had they been sunshades. Oh yeah, and I had wicked cool suspenders that went up to here!

I first realized I was a nerd when I began catologuing things that didn’t need to be catalogued, like books in the library. I created my own system for them, even though they already had a perfectly good system working for them. Then I got one of those glasses kits, you know the kind that has the little screwdriver to fix your glasses. But I bought it so I could them apart to really clean them good.

By the time I got to eighth grade, there happened to be a boy on TV who looked pretty much like me. He wore the huge glasses (with a mad crazy plastic chain that he could use to hand them from his neck — I had to get one of those!), had the matching suspenders, and he was actually book smart! Unfortunately he, like myself, was ridiculed mercilessly during the course of each half hour of the show. I felt for him until people started calling me “Urkel” in high school.

Luckily for me, the kids in high school weren’t too creative with their pranks. I didn’t get slushied (we had Slurpees instead — gotta love that Seven 11) and no one keyed my car (because I didn’t have a car). But the guys in homeroom did think it would be cool to ball up little pieces of paper, drop them in my hair (I had an Afro at the time), and when I got up and they all scattered down around me, they yelled “Dandruff!” as loudly as they could. They also liked to snap my suspenders and make fun of my Salvation Army ties.

Of course, it’s easy to think back and laugh about those things, especially now when nerds have achieved a certain level of coolness (thanks, Bill Gates), but it’s also easy to look back and remember how it really made me feel. But I just try to take it in stride.

Until I’ve made my first million. Them I’m going back to rub it in their faces.

Sam