Today, at the water cooler, we acknowledged the thin line between giving our children/grandchildren what they want/need and spoiling them rotten so they don’t appreciate anything and take everything for granted as they grow up. The prevailing argument was against grandparents spoiling their grandkids (can you tell that the primary 
conversationalists were parents and not grandparents?) and how detrimental it can be for the grandkids, and how it affects the relationship with their children and their spouses. This is particularly important during this time of year when the vast majority of households is spending money on presents.
So we broke down that thin line as follows: things kids need and want, things kids need but don’t want, and things that kids want but don’t need. Parents are in the unique position of knowing the demarcation between the three possibilities, while grandparents are on the opposite end of the spectrum. You’d think that grandparents would remember how it was when you were young but they don’t seem to understand. They tend to skew toward buying kids things they want, but don’t need. And, you guessed it. That’s the category that crosses that line, and leads to spoiling. Precisely.
The big problem, as it is in everything, is communication. Talking, listening, and comprehending between parents and THEIR parents, when it comes to what they get for your kids, and when. Too often grandparents don’t communicate with parents sufficiently, so when their grandkid asks for something extravagant that they don’t need, the answer is yes. Before we know it, as parents, our kid is coming home from a day out with grandma with precisely the item we know they shouldn’t have. That’s how your kids learn that when mom and dad say no, grandmom or grandpa will get it for them. That’s how they get spoiled without your involvement.
So get involved, was the consensus around the water cooler. If we as parents make sure our parents know what they should and shouldn’t get our children, it lets our children know they can’t get away with what they’ve been doing, and it lets our parents know they need to respect our wishes. That refreshes their memories just enough to keep us in charge, and just enough to keep our children from being spoiled.
But I forgot to get my water, the conversation was so interesting. Next time.
Sam
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