The Dividing Line

As I sit here with my children, I am trying to think about what life without them was like, and I truly can’t remember it. It’s like a dividing line between one entire existence and another, like I time traveled and skipped over that diving line to safely arrive right here and now, and with kids. I can vaguely remember a club, once, a long time ago, where I would dance all night, by myself. Or a karaoke joint, with “Love Shack”. And a puzzle club (yeah, I said a puzzle club) where I would imagine I was king (but I really wasn’t). And there was this guy. I’ll call him “Before Me”. He was one cool guy.

But I wouldn’t trade anything on this side of the dividing line for anything on that side. Like the proverbial “other side”, the grass is most certainly greener over here, and I am grateful for everything they bring to my life. For instance, this afternoon we watched “G-Force,” the amazing little Disney/CG film about guinea pig secret agents, and I laughed with abandon at their furry little antics. No, I didn’t make fun of the corny dialogue, or crush the fantasy element attached to it by telling my children it couldn’t possibly happen in the real world.That’s the biggest difference between the two worlds. That sense of wonder is still intact on this side. I learn something new every day, something that amazes me, from these two whose collective age is 1/4th of mine. Interesting, really.

I’m not saying it’s not challenging, though, because it surely is (double negatives aside). I mean, I never thought I would have to know the difference between the fairies in Pixie Hollow, or know that the coloring book with stickers is vastly more interesting than the one without. Every time there are tears, I need to remember the last time there were tears, because listening to them talking while crying is like listening to a garbage disposal. It helps to have a previous frame of reference. Juice is always better than water, and I have to prepare myself once the allotment of juice has run out, because there will be fuming. Oh, and when I put my iPod on shuffle and plug it into the speakers, be prepared to get up quickly when the songs with swearing come on. They will just keep dancing to “Drop it Like It’s Hot” if I don’t.

And I realize that I don’t try to think about my life without them for a reason, because it was so much… less.The things I thought were interesting are so much better with them. I have my own best karaoke band here and now. I have the best conversations and wonderfully funny moments with the two of them. And most important of all, I’m enjoying them while they’re young, because everyone tells me it only gets worse from here.

Sam