I’m probably the sorriest person you’ll ever meet. Believe me, I say “I’m sorry” at least ten times a day, but what am I really saying? I think most times I apologize it’s for something I have absolutely no control over, so it’s an expression of sympathy rather than of remorse. When I really am regretful about something I’ve done I don’t generally apologize. I usually instead try and do something to make it right, because actions truly do speak louder than words.
But sometimes there’s nothing I can do to make it right. Sometimes all I can do is apologize and look at the experience as a lesson so I won’t do it again next time, if I’m honored enough to get a second chance. And on today, the day we’re all thinking about being thankful for what we have, I wanted to list what I’m honestly sorry for in my life, the things I would like to change so that this time next year I am thankful for the changes.
I’m sorry for:
- not speaking up every single time I see an injustice
- not keeping in touch with my family often enough
- not always questioning my motivations
- saying negative things about others
- focusing on irrelevant things sometimes
- not always appreciating what I have
- setting my expectations low more often than not
- not always believing in myself
- keeping secrets from those who love me
- yelling sometimes when I ought to hold my temper
But the biggest thing about the list is not just typing it down in my online journal; it’s that now I can go back to it every single time I let one of those things happen again, so I can change my actions, because it’s not about being sorry. It’s about doing something to make a shift in my thought patterns, feeling better about me so that I can feel better about my decisions and about my interactions with others.
I look forward to crossing each one of these “sorries” off my list one by one during this next year and being a happier, healthier person for it.